My breakup poem

When I told you I couldn't stop caring about you, you shook violently.

A seizure I induced with no epi-pen in sight.

I saw your eyes cry and freeze like your body didn't know what to do with itself.

When you love someone with barbed wire wrapped around your chest you can't exactly complain when they hurt you.

I held you while you told me you wanted to end your life. I threw the knife I held behind my back away because it was no use hurting someone more than they hurt themselves.

The heart can only love so much but unfortunately it can't love hard enough to make you love yours.

You were crying when I comforted you after you told me you cheated on me. You asked me "why are you doing this?". I saw you bare your soul in front of my eyes but you were too blinded to see mine.

Honesty is the brush my heart paints, sometimes with more than my own canvas can fill.

I watched a train take you away from me.
I went back to my hotel and I cried because the city felt emptier without you in it. Luckily a few days later I left it.

I keep tracing timelines backwards until the moment we started. You were excited to see me. I want to be excited to see you too. It's one of the best memories I have.

--

So we ended as quickly as we started,
in and out of each others lives like a click.
I poured my heart into this relationship
And loved you harder than I loved myself
And I really love myself.

You told me you loved me to the moon and back
because as a child it was all the distance you knew
We said it felt so right.

You told me you knew you loved me when you saw me around my friends
and knew I was perfect.
I never knew perfection was measured in second chances

I loved you unconditionally but it seems like your love had conditions
And these conditions seemed to include my unconditional love
So while you knew my love was unconditional, that being unconditional to you
made it easier to stop conditionally loving me.

My brain is as confused as your gender.
Your personality is as confused as your gender.
Your gender is not part of your personality
I called you up crying because I couldn't handle your gender.
You were annoyed at my tears and my brain for thinking you were someone else 3 months before.
That personality wasn't so kind about the way this personality perceived your gender.
I never knew compassion could flow only one direction against a person who cares about you.
My sexuality may be fluid but when you flick a light off and on repeatedly you can't tell the difference between night and day

I tried to empathise with your tortured soul
but I was pushed away with a drive stronger than yours to leave your country
Your escapism is my confrontation
Your confrontation is my comfort
and a comfort that leads you to scar discomfort onto the back of your hand.
I bandaged you up like I was bandaging the pain you have inside,
the stinging cream only hurts for a while you know
every hurt only does for a while
so why does every hurt make you want to leave?

You left a trail of self-destruction an anarchist could only dream of
Disappointment instilled in people who appointed you as their friend... or acquaintance... or lover.
Ignoring your problems with people only to come face to face with them yourself
Physically distancing yourself only takes you around the world but you will always travel in your head

We tore pages out of the cliche book because we were running out of things to do.
Except the only one left was an extravagant ending.
I wish I could say we had that one too but I was too tired to turn the page.