It was a long time, but he wanted to be alone. In gentle solitude while the thoughts just dashed through his convoluted head. There weren't any conclusions, only speculations while he pondered and pondered. Guilt was the enemy, the gun he tried to fire was always aimed at himself. He's left in a critical condition every time but it can't be helped, it can't be stopped. Everything he did was internalised, it was never anybody else but himself. But that's what his conclusion was. It was always his conclusion. Every single time.
It was ridiculous, how can one internalise so much? How can one do this ones self? It's almost unfathomable to believe. He wondered where his sanity went, or if there were any sanity at all. But in pondering that particular question, it just occurred to him that he was always insane. Any attempt to think or prove otherwise was faced with cruel criticisms while he reeked of anger and frustration.
But maybe that was it, anger and frustration turned him insane.
So he walked into the desolate room with the incandescent light, switched it off, closed the door and shut the world off from his consciousness leaving him alone with himself.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Silence
"You can't go back to that place!"
He yelled, screamed, begged him.
"Oh please, you remember what it was like down there don't you? Please, tell me you do"
His silence threw itself across the room, bouncing back into the ears of him.
"You can't do that, you can't. It's just so irrational, why would you think of that?"
He knew it was irrational, but it was almost inescapable. The polished floor shone back into his eyes seeing a blurred reflection of himself. That's what it was though, it was a blurred reflection. He reached for the wipes nearest to him and scrubbed.
"Make it clear! Make it fucking clear!"
He scrubbed, but his silence got in the way. He kept scrubbing... For hours.
"PLEASE, JUST BE CLEAN. BE CLEAN DAMMIT!"
He threw himself to the floor, staring at his blurred self while his vision blurred himself. Droplets fell. It was only then, he finally saw himself, for a split second, before the silence blurred everything again.
He yelled, screamed, begged him.
"Oh please, you remember what it was like down there don't you? Please, tell me you do"
His silence threw itself across the room, bouncing back into the ears of him.
"You can't do that, you can't. It's just so irrational, why would you think of that?"
He knew it was irrational, but it was almost inescapable. The polished floor shone back into his eyes seeing a blurred reflection of himself. That's what it was though, it was a blurred reflection. He reached for the wipes nearest to him and scrubbed.
"Make it clear! Make it fucking clear!"
He scrubbed, but his silence got in the way. He kept scrubbing... For hours.
"PLEASE, JUST BE CLEAN. BE CLEAN DAMMIT!"
He threw himself to the floor, staring at his blurred self while his vision blurred himself. Droplets fell. It was only then, he finally saw himself, for a split second, before the silence blurred everything again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)