Days and weeks at a time she would leave. She would just leave, no apparent reason. All the threats of leaving, all the times she would just say these things like it meant nothing. Until after one thing, that one day, she left. She just left. I knew it was the end, I knew it was over. There was nothing else I could do until six months later.
Monday, December 12, 2011
#19
Days and weeks at a time she would leave. She would just leave, no apparent reason. All the threats of leaving, all the times she would just say these things like it meant nothing. Until after one thing, that one day, she left. She just left. I knew it was the end, I knew it was over. There was nothing else I could do until six months later.
Days and weeks at a time she would leave. She would just leave, no apparent reason. All the threats of leaving, all the times she would just say these things like it meant nothing. Until after one thing, that one day, she left. She just left. I knew it was the end, I knew it was over. There was nothing else I could do until six months later.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
One simple sentence
Denial. That's what it was. Absolute denial. Trying to complicate things, trying to build up these concrete walls to guard what was really a simple fact. It didn't need reminders of the past, it didn't need insecurity, it didn't need anything. Just one simple sentence. That was all that was needed.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Snippets.
I found these on my tumblr, they need to be here. They just need to be here.
#1
“maybe one day I’ll leave, I’ll disappear again like I did before” she said. Completely ignorant to this fact, he ignored this, for he had no idea what would happen in the months to come.
#2
“(8) Promise meeeeee you’ll never let me goooo!” “-lets go- XD” as much of a joke as it was. The reality of this statement only impacted him in the latter months. Causing him to realise what really went on through these inane statements.
#3
The six months wasted explains many things to him. It explains the anti-socialness. Serving as a forewarning for the future, ‘*do not take anybody for granted, else they literally will disappear’.
#4
“I’m moving to *********” “why?” “dads work… My siblings and mum agree, I’m the only one that doesn’t” That day, he may have shed a tear or two, but all that was left in his mind and heart, was hope. False hope.
#5
It was a lie covering a lie covering a lie. In total, two personas plus the real one I never knew. This has become the basis for my detest of lies.
#6
We sat on chairs in this pathetic two dimensional world. Fabricated by our own imagination. Talked for hours while the pixels were stationary. Indulging in her lies while he still remained oblivious.
#7
”-************* <3 **** has just signed in”
His heart sank again, just the two characters followed by a name brought up this familiar feeling again. After careful discussion pouring what was left of his heart out he was told that drops of water fell from her eyes. If it was a lie, he would never know.
#8
Tracking an IP wasn’t hard. It was surprising that it ended up at that country. For someone of her age to think of that is truly amazing. I couldn’t pull those pieces together, not for a long time.
#9
The triggers are everywhere. Just the mere mention of that reminds me. Two weeks ago, it was mentioned. She was a trigger, that song sometimes is a trigger. Just a reminder never to be too close because it may all be a farce.
#10
He remembers the night. He will always remember the night. The earphones embedded in his ears as three songs played constantly for the entire night. He doesn’t even remember if he slept or not, the fact that they played and played, after the ordeal was over, he couldn’t listen to them for a very long time. The nights spent until the AM, the assignments incomplete, all for a lie. A fictional construction by a human being who has an incapacity to understand the depth of what she had constructed. By a human who was easily able to throw away her relationships, by a human who could easily manipulate through a false image. By a human who has no idea what they have done to some people.
#11
He blocked her for a good month only unblocking him, for he was like a brother… One who has drifted away. It was the best thing he did, blocking her yet he thinks to this day it should have been forever to spare the pain. It taught him a lesson of ‘truth hurts’.
#12
It was all done and dusted. Six months onwards, his supposed ‘e-brother’ sent him a message via messenger and he was intrigued. After this night, he found the farce behind the farce. He found it dead straight on. An anger filled his brain to the point where he couldn’t say or do anything, he was numb. After this, thinking that maybe once it would all work out, that lies inherent in people would subside, but no. It didn’t. The lies didn’t subside as he questions himself, he questions himself always.
#13
Fast forward to now for a moment. I’m sorry, it’s not actually your fault. You just happened to be a trigger to me. Hence my feelings when that news was announced to me via a source
#14
He sat glued to the computer screen at a farm, surprised yet his heart raced with joy. His intentions weren’t fixed on her, but another… Typically it didn’t work out, for it never worked for him. Didn’t take long for him to realise this one wasn’t ever going to work… And the next… And the next. Like a cyclic structure repeating itself again and again.
#15
It ended then, it’s ended now. He is happy, the conclusion he found in himself was complete. He can now finally close that era of his life and move onwards realising there are people in the world like that, never to trust too easily and reinforcing the fact to never take anybody for granted because they can “disappear” again and again… Or even forever.
#16
A simple video uploaded to YouTube. No glimpse of her face, just a screen with a familiar green tick and a faceless avatar. ‘i don’t like her, I love her’. I’m not sure what came of that, but that laughter afterwards was the only real essence of truth that was given.
#17
Mild truths were told as we stood in another atmosphere, in another area, in a different environment. I was still clouded by the pixellation that stared me in the face. As I gobbled the lies one by one oblivious to it all.
#18
He lay in bed thinking and thinking. Almost 2 years since, the one that warped your thinking, the one who messed up your head. He thought he would get over it but obviously not.
#1
“maybe one day I’ll leave, I’ll disappear again like I did before” she said. Completely ignorant to this fact, he ignored this, for he had no idea what would happen in the months to come.
#2
“(8) Promise meeeeee you’ll never let me goooo!” “-lets go- XD” as much of a joke as it was. The reality of this statement only impacted him in the latter months. Causing him to realise what really went on through these inane statements.
#3
The six months wasted explains many things to him. It explains the anti-socialness. Serving as a forewarning for the future, ‘*do not take anybody for granted, else they literally will disappear’.
#4
“I’m moving to *********” “why?” “dads work… My siblings and mum agree, I’m the only one that doesn’t” That day, he may have shed a tear or two, but all that was left in his mind and heart, was hope. False hope.
#5
It was a lie covering a lie covering a lie. In total, two personas plus the real one I never knew. This has become the basis for my detest of lies.
#6
We sat on chairs in this pathetic two dimensional world. Fabricated by our own imagination. Talked for hours while the pixels were stationary. Indulging in her lies while he still remained oblivious.
#7
”-************* <3 **** has just signed in”
His heart sank again, just the two characters followed by a name brought up this familiar feeling again. After careful discussion pouring what was left of his heart out he was told that drops of water fell from her eyes. If it was a lie, he would never know.
#8
Tracking an IP wasn’t hard. It was surprising that it ended up at that country. For someone of her age to think of that is truly amazing. I couldn’t pull those pieces together, not for a long time.
#9
The triggers are everywhere. Just the mere mention of that reminds me. Two weeks ago, it was mentioned. She was a trigger, that song sometimes is a trigger. Just a reminder never to be too close because it may all be a farce.
#10
He remembers the night. He will always remember the night. The earphones embedded in his ears as three songs played constantly for the entire night. He doesn’t even remember if he slept or not, the fact that they played and played, after the ordeal was over, he couldn’t listen to them for a very long time. The nights spent until the AM, the assignments incomplete, all for a lie. A fictional construction by a human being who has an incapacity to understand the depth of what she had constructed. By a human who was easily able to throw away her relationships, by a human who could easily manipulate through a false image. By a human who has no idea what they have done to some people.
#11
He blocked her for a good month only unblocking him, for he was like a brother… One who has drifted away. It was the best thing he did, blocking her yet he thinks to this day it should have been forever to spare the pain. It taught him a lesson of ‘truth hurts’.
#12
It was all done and dusted. Six months onwards, his supposed ‘e-brother’ sent him a message via messenger and he was intrigued. After this night, he found the farce behind the farce. He found it dead straight on. An anger filled his brain to the point where he couldn’t say or do anything, he was numb. After this, thinking that maybe once it would all work out, that lies inherent in people would subside, but no. It didn’t. The lies didn’t subside as he questions himself, he questions himself always.
#13
Fast forward to now for a moment. I’m sorry, it’s not actually your fault. You just happened to be a trigger to me. Hence my feelings when that news was announced to me via a source
#14
He sat glued to the computer screen at a farm, surprised yet his heart raced with joy. His intentions weren’t fixed on her, but another… Typically it didn’t work out, for it never worked for him. Didn’t take long for him to realise this one wasn’t ever going to work… And the next… And the next. Like a cyclic structure repeating itself again and again.
#15
It ended then, it’s ended now. He is happy, the conclusion he found in himself was complete. He can now finally close that era of his life and move onwards realising there are people in the world like that, never to trust too easily and reinforcing the fact to never take anybody for granted because they can “disappear” again and again… Or even forever.
#16
A simple video uploaded to YouTube. No glimpse of her face, just a screen with a familiar green tick and a faceless avatar. ‘i don’t like her, I love her’. I’m not sure what came of that, but that laughter afterwards was the only real essence of truth that was given.
#17
Mild truths were told as we stood in another atmosphere, in another area, in a different environment. I was still clouded by the pixellation that stared me in the face. As I gobbled the lies one by one oblivious to it all.
#18
He lay in bed thinking and thinking. Almost 2 years since, the one that warped your thinking, the one who messed up your head. He thought he would get over it but obviously not.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
#41
I've been looking in this bank space forever now not knowing what to write, being devoid of inspiration, not knowing what to write. I tried to write a poem, but I can't. Either my words are too revealing, or what I write is too shallow. I'm trying to find the intermediary again, but I can't find it. Maybe this time, it's all black and white, there is no point in finding the grey. I can't even finish this off properly because of how black and white it all is. I just can't.
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